Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Friends with Exes?
I recently heard from an ex boyfriend for the first time in a long time. It was an unexpected Instant Message. Out of the blue, really. Now, I am friends with my high school boyfriend and to me that's not weird. As a matter of fact, he has become friends with The Boy. I mean we were like 15 when we started dating so it's not weird or anything. But the other Ex is like THE EX. We met in college and dated for four years. We even lived together at one point. His friends were my friends. I felt like his family was my family (my family kind of sucks). I even worked in the family business. When things didn't work out, I was heartbroken, sick and defeated. He's one of those boyfriends that will always have a special place in your heart, even if you never want to be with them again, you know? Anyway, our brief IM conversation was cordial and even nice. Since then I have also heard from his brother, to whom I was once extremely close. Granted it was only a MySpace friend request, but still. It has been over 4 years since I finally grew the nerve to walk away from The Ex and everything and now that I am being reached out to, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I have thought about both of these guys plenty over the years, but I am not sure how much of them, if at all, I want them in my life now. I'm such a different person now. I am so much more sure of myself, of who I am. Will it be weird to let them in? Will it make me nostalgic for another time and a life that seems like a million lifetimes ago? And so, I am reaching out to you guys. You all have such wonderful opinions. When, if ever, is it okay to be friends (or friendly) with exes? Are there particular kinds of exes that are okay to be friends with (like my h.s.boyfriend)?
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6 comments:
I say it depends on what you (and The Boy) are comfortable with. I have an ex...who I thought I loved at the time that I stayed friends with for years...we both went through relationships and stayed friends. But with my boyfriend now, I have no desire to keep this ex in my life. Occassionally he will send me and IM and I'll answer nicely but he always turns the conversation into something sexual (he knows I have a bf who I love and he himself has a gf). When that happens I just close everything and don't reply. So I guess it depends on the ex as well...
If you are ok with a once and a while friendly conversation, then I don't see why not...but if you don't want to add that into your life there is no reason that you have to...
Wow. The ex files. A scary place. For me I am friends with most of my exes because things were cordial and ended fairly. However, my one EX, the EX, MJB, I could never let him back in my life. He hurt me so badly yet he still has that place in my heart that is locked away forever. I have thrown that key away.
Just be careful.
I agree with jatorade...
I'd be cordial, but not go out of the way to be friends.
You have to think of it this way....would you like your boyfriend to become friends with his ex? If not, then you need to let your ex go.
Personally, I can't do it. I get too attached to people and it's hard for me to let them go. Once they're gone, I can move on. I say talk to your bf about it and see how he feels. Then go from there :)
Yeah I'm going to say "no" on this one...
if you've got a scar... why pick at it? It's best you just leave it be.
Everything someone does has a reason... so you have to ask yourself 2 questions... 1> Why is he seeking to restore a relationship (even if it's just "friendly)? 2> What do I get out of it?
I would say no to being friends with an Ex. The only thing that I would expect to encounter with an old boyfriend is a whole lot of sexual tension...and your ex is an ex for a reason. Bad bad news in my opinion!
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