I had mentioned in an earlier post, that The Boy had to share a hospital room with the biggest pansy ass in the history of pansy asses and I thought I would share the story. During the first few days of his hospital stay, The Boy got a new roommate. This guy was about the same age as The Boy and also came with a girlfriend who slept by his bedside. I thought, hey maybe I'll have a little company but, as it turned out, she would be too busy tending to her Sissy boyfriend every last second. Hence forth, I shall refer to him as Mary.
I met the girlfriend on their first day in the hospital after Mary's surgery. She had asked what happened to my boy and after I shared his story, she shared the sissy man's. Apparently, he had just bought himself a brand new motorcycle and while learning to drive it in the parking lot, he crashed into a parked car at 20 mph and fell off the bike. During this little fall, he managed to get a hairline fracture on a vertebrae and needed to have a minor surgery to fix it. The doctors told Mary that he would only need a day or two in the hospital post surgery and could then go home with a brace on. Apparently, this is not as serious an injury as it sounds. Anyway, when he woke up from surgery, the fun began.
Now perhaps I am a little biased because The Boy is such a wonderful patient. He is tough and can deal well with pain without being a baby even when he is suffering a lot. My father is the same way and I guess I've always assumed most men are that way. The Boy only used the intravenous pain meds the day of his surgery. After that he took the pills and sucked it up. But not this guy, not Mary. He bitched and moaned and whined for hours after waking up. He stood on his drip far longer than I could even imagine is good for you. He would go on for days at a time. Yes days as in he was there twice as long as he should have been.
The pain meds cause strange dreams (even The Boy mentioned this) and Mary would wake up from a nap screaming that he was seeing things. The poor girlfriend would run to get a nurse only to be told that he wasn't seeinganything, he was dreaming. 5 minutes later he was screaming at the girlfriend that he was thirsty and how dare she not have any water for him. Then he would fall asleep and it would start all over again. "I'm seeing things." "No, you are dreaming." He would even wake up in the middle of the night screaming his girlfriend's name just to know that she was there (b/c of his brace he had to lay on his back). Like, hello!!! There are other people sharing this room and we like to sleep!!! Holy crap, this guy was a baby.
Meanwhile on our side of the curtain, we were just trying to watch a little TV and relax until The Boy was cleared for wheelchair training classes. But the kicker came the day of The Boy's first wheelchair class. Now apparently the pain meds they pump into you can really cause some serious constipation. Because of that, the nurses always give stool softeners along with the pills. The Boy refused to take his because as he put it "There is no fucking way I am shitting in a bed pan. Once I can wheel myself to the bathroom, I'll worry about it!" Mary, on the other hand hadn't gone for one day and was whining like a friggin baby to his girlfriend. She had to run to get a nurse for his constipation. And you know what they did!? Gave him an enema in BED!!!! Yes, In Bed!!!! So The Boy and I had the pleasure of hearing and smelling Mary's shit!!! And even better, he had diarrhea. I'm not even joking. Once the nurse left, he kept going all over and his poor girlfriend had to clean it up. It was so gross. Thank god for the wheelchair teacher who threw The Boy into a wheelchair and got us the hell out of there.
Fortunately for us, the doctors and nurses called him out on his behavior and told him that he shouldn't need any more pain meds and should really have been released days previous. They told him he needed to buck up and get out of bed so they could send him home. Literally, that's what they said. The Boy and I were laughing so hard on our side of the curtain that I am sure he heard us, but you know what? I didn't care one bit. A grown man behaving like that is just sad. I understand that not everyone handles pain well but shitting your bed is just unforgivable. Here's to your girlfriend, Mary. I hope she left your sissy ass the second you got home!
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2 comments:
That turns my stomach. Men that act like that got some serious issues.
Like you, I need a man that isn't going to crack under pressure and be tough. My dad and bros are like that too, so I expect that of a man!
Pansy ass....
My boyfriend is pretty tough...and sometimes he's too tough for his own good and doesn't let himself heal properly (like after his hernia surgery...which meant it didn't heal properly and he had to get it redone a couple years later) but honestly! There is a line that you shouldn't cross and Mary seems to have catapolted over that line.
The worst hospital roommate story I have heard was from when my cousin was in the hospital and she shared a room with a woman in her early 20's (my cuz was maybe 15 at the time) and evertime this woman's boyfriend would visit they would pull the curtains and have sex. But not quiet sex...moaning, screaming, dirty talk...it seems they didn't realize the curtain was not as good of a sound barrier as they thought! Once my aunt was with my cuz when this was happening and complained to the nurse...after that the nurses made a point of spending a lot of time in the room when the boyfriend was visiting!
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