Although I didn't make a huge deal out of him holding the date, I did tell my sister and my best friend. The both of them were as shocked as I was. After much discussion, I mean much discussion, the girls and I decided that he MUST be planning a proposal for sometime during that coming year. I agreed. At least I did for a few weeks until I started to notice a change in him.
Now, I know he was not so happy to be returning to the crapola apartment we took in New York from our gorgeous high rise apartment in VA. He did know what I was going through and my reasosn for returning home though, so he had done it with a smile.... for a little while at least. Anyway, I just figured he was bummed out about the change in location and I tried not to take it too seriously. Then one day, I was washing the dishes, and we were having a little bicker fest. You know, not really arguing, but going back and forth over something so insignificant I cannot even remember what it was. As I'm washing the dishes I make some comment that provokes him to say to me, with a nasty tone, "I have no intention of getting married for AT LEAST another 5 years." My heart dropped to my stomach and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "Then why in the hell would you ever put a date on hold!?" To which he replies "I have no idea what I was thinking."
I was so upset. I will never forget that moment. It was the moment that reality hit me and I was reminded that my "so different" guy is still just a man. And at his very core, he turned out to be just like a typical guy. I felt crushed and deceived. Not so much because there wasn't going to be a wedding, but because he really duped me. It was that moment where my walls went up and I decided that I was not going to put all my eggs in this basket. If he didn't turn out to be the man I was going to marry, I was going to be a okay. I was not going to fill my head with dreams of a family and growing old, only to be crushed and heart broken when he decided to leave. As you can imagine, this new me didn't really help make the situation any better and things continued to get worse for us. I didn't realize how bad until one day I was cleaning the computer room. I was flipping through a notebook to check if it was ready to be tossed, when I came across a page with The Boy's handwriting. It was a list.... A list with 2 columns....Reasons to Stay and Reasons to Go
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2 comments:
WHAT????!!!! What did you do then? ooo the curiosity... Please post again soon.
WHAT!!!!!!
OMG. I am crushed for you. I know this is in the past put I am sure it still stings and leaves you feeling salty.
Well, I do know exactly how that feels. To think you are with someone "unlike' any other man and you get disappointed. I do think it is a little bit of both, our over-sensitivity and boys lack of sensitivity. Cakes always says the same thing. One week he says "We won't have to look for a new house for about five years, not until our kids are in school" then the next week, "I don't want to get married for at least another 5 years!" Like dude....you are crazier than I am!!!
Ok, I am babling but I hear you girl ;)
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