This weekend was, in a nut shell, confusing. While we had a nice time hanging around in the old neighborhood and seeing some of our favorite sites, it was basically tainted by the questions and crap. After a long day of driving and visiting, we finally headed back to our hotel for dinner. During dinner, The Boy started opening up about some of the things on his mind. They were things like, feeling out of touch with himself and worrying about a career path. Normal things that could get anybody down. I was so relieved. I said "you know, I'm so glad that you are telling me what's going on. I had been worried that you were considering leaving." To which he said NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. As I got all choked up and struggled to maintain my composure, he offered up an explanation by way of this "I was concerned about not being totally fair to you with all my issues." Are you kidding me!? Is that not the biggest cop out you have ever heard!? Don't use that shit as an excuse. Like some sort of martyr. Please.
Obviously, he doesn't love me like I thought he did. Im sorry, but in my opinion, you don't consider throwing away a life with the person you intend to marry and have kids with because you are worried about your career. WTF? Right now I'm so torn between being utterly destroyed and absolutely furious I don't even know what to say. The best part of it all is how after he got all that off his chest, he went right back to being The Boy of old. Affectionate, loving, genuine and he's been this way every since. Why? Because you feel bad or because you're over it?
The biggest question is... Now what?
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I'm a city girl finding her way through the inevitable end of her twenties and into what others refer to as "grown up" life.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry. My 1st thing about this is I can't believe he unloaded that during your nice weekend.
And my 2nd thing is the way that he's back to normal is weird, maybe he really is worried about his career and after saying it to you he felt better... but still to not reassure you that he doesn't want to end things is pretty shady and totally unfair to you.
I really can't tell you what you should do because I don't even know what I would do in this situation. But keep your chin up it will all work out the way it should.
(((HUGS)))
You gotta sit him down and say, listen buddy, this is a relationship and I actually care about you and want to help you succeed in life. You need to tell me whether you want a partner or I'm outta here. I'm not a useless bed warmer.
Its sucky but girlllllllllll, you gotta let it out.
*hugs*
I'm glad he at least told you, however that was bad timing. Puts a whole damper on your weekend.
If he is having problems, you can be there to help him, but you can't read his mind and help without knowing.
Maybe you two just need to talk and get it all out there.
(I should take my own advice)
Ok, I think its great that he finally told you everything that was bothering him. No, he didn't have the best timing...but the fact that he did talk to you about it is a plus.
The next issue though, I'm having a hard time putting into words. This is obviously just my personal opinion and since I'm not in your spot its hard to know how I would feel or what I would do. Anyway, it has got to hurt like hell to have him say that. But actions can speak louder than words and if after that conversation he became more lovey dovey it obviously lifted a weight off his shoulders.
I think you do need to talk to him about that statement and how it made you feel. But, for example, there was a time when I was going through a rough patch (insecurity issues plus the fact that I hated my job) and I thought that I was a burden to my boyfriend. I would never tell him this, but I wondered if in the long run it would be better for him if he could just find someone without the baggage. I love him and I always have...but the thoughts crossed my mind. I would NEVER have acted on them and they were just thoughts...nothing more. I knew I would never act on them...but I had them. Do you know what I mean?
Talk to him. He can't say something like that without providing an explanation!!!
I am sorry:(
OK, although it may have been horrible timing, these things are best discussed when they need to be. But I do think, like EJ said, you have to get it off your chest and not be scared of what you have to say to him.
This is a deciding moment in your life. It really is. But get all you need to know before you make decisions. Tell him how you feel. Just like you told us.
I will be in the city on Thursday, my friend is having a birthday happy hour....lets me up and get a drink and discuss. I am here for ya:)
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