Messing up.

I totally messed up last night. I feel like such a jerk.

Yesterday was TB's birthday. Because he has a huge midterm today, we decided not to go out. He asked for his favorite burgers for dinner and I gladly went to pick them up. We ate and had a nice time. He went to study while I watched TV. He came back in time for Lost, which is one of our favorite shows. That's when we realized that Pup was missing. When I called his name, he came trotting out and hopped up in my lap. He went to lick my face and I immediately smelled chocolate. Not sure if you know, but supposedly chocolate can be toxic to dogs, depending on the type and the quantity eaten. I'm not sure if you guys remember but we had a similar incident not that long ago . I immediately tell The Boy and start looking for where it could have come from. His computer/work bag is on the floor. He left a chocolate bar in the bag. I asked him what kind of chocolate, how much was there and he kept being super evasive with his answers. I assume because he knew he messed up. But I was freaking out and needed to know so I could call the vet and find out if it was toxic levels or not.

First is was a tiny piece, then it was a quarter of a chocolate bar, then it was a dark chocolate bar (which is even worse) then it was half a candy bar. I felt like eevry time I asked a question, the answer got worse. Finally I completely lost my shit. I mean full blown crazy ass, name calling, temper tantrum. I know he felt bad but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't even believe he had left his bag out knowing what we recently went through. I mean we are supposed to look out for out animals not "forget" about stuff like that. Even so, it was a mistake and Pup was in no danger of anything more then a stomach ache. But by the time I found that out I had done some serious damage. And really, even before I knew what was up, I shouldn't have flipped. It wasn't intentional and we all make mistakes. I should have been reassuring him, not pointing fingers. I'm not sure why I flew off the handle, but I think the panic compounded with all the other shit that has been going on....I'll fill you in next post....I just broke mentally. I know that my behavior last night was probably a good reminder of why he almost left last fall, but I couldn't pull myself together.

Once I did, I felt terrible. I haven't gone that off the deep end in years. And while I didn't call him anything worse then "stupid" that is bad enough. I would be heartbroken if he called me that. I sent him a long email this morning sincerely apologizing and he thanked me for that, but I still have the feeling I might have really messed things up. CRAP! I don't know how to make this one up to him. I feel like such a shit.